I’ve never worked with, at or for a company that does not have one or two chronic whiners. No matter what you introduce, they find fault. These are the people that complain about a free meal (“Pizza for lunch? We had that last time. Why can’t we ever get anything else?”). Ah, how pleasant.
Several years ago, I was working with a company to help enhance their coaching skills. All of the people I met were in positions of leadership. On one of the breaks, a gentleman approaches me and begins a conversation about their holiday party. He stated that it was the worst one yet. They were finally allowed to invite a spouse/significant other. Upon arrival, he said there was barely any food left. To paraphrase, “My wife got a first hand experience of how cheap this company really is…running out of food! Can you believe that? Then they send people out for chips and order some pizza. How tacky.” I responded by saying something like, “Sounds like you were disappointed.” Way to add fuel to that fire. He ranted for 5 more minutes.
On the next break, I avoided eye contact with him. I was speaking with a newer employee, and she asked me, “Did you hear about our holiday party?!” I wanted to run. She continued, “It was the BEST! My fiance and I got there after it started and there was no food left. Our CEO is calling pizza places and asking ME what I liked on my pizza! He doesn’t even know me and I just started working here! Then, he hands my fiance money and asks if he would mind going with some others to pick up chips and dip. How cool is that?” She went on and on about how excited she was to finally be working for a company where they cared about their employees and where the CEO connected with everyone.
Same event, different interpretations. As a coach, how do you deal with chronic complainers if stun guns are not an option?
Here are some common employee complaints coaches have shared with me. I’ve added some possible responses to consider.
Employee: Why do we have to do it this way? We’ve never done it this way before?
Coach: You’re right. We are using a new approach. What concerns you most about using a new approach?
Employee: Do they have any idea how busy we are? They keep calling us with the same questions!
Coach: You’re right. We work in a fast paced department. What ideas do you have to help other departments find this information on their own?
Employee: Why do I have to attend that training? It doesn’t even apply to me. What a waste of my time!
Coach: There may be some parts of the training that do not directly impact what you do. I want you to listen for things that do apply to you and tell me about them after the training. I’d also encourage you to attend the training with an open mind; my expectation is that you challenge yourself to discover something new and connect with at least one person from another department.
I could go on and on with complaints that coaches have brought to my attention. Yet you’ll notice a pattern in the responses I’ve provided. The coach validates what is true within the complaint, then challenges the employee in a non-threatening manner to work toward a solution. If every complaint is addressed this way, eventually the complainers will learn that you will hold them accountable for solutions, and that despite their complaining you are not going to change your course of action. This should lessen the number of complaints you hear (as long as you are consistent with your responses). Whiners want an audience. Don’t give them one. Give them a coach.
If you have other ideas about dealing with whiners and complainers, please share them. You’ll be helping a coach who is currently hiding under their desk in an attempt to avoid the chronic complainer!
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
A friend of mine who has worked in some incredible places such as international airports – that’s quite a place to work – solved the problem of whining employees this way – he asked them what they would do instead. He would listen and ask questions such as “why do you feel that would work”; “how would you implement that” and other questions based on what he knew about the rest of the team. Sometimes, he’d even put the whiner in the position of taking on the project and coming up with better solutions into which the rest of the team would buy in. Whiners soon became problem solvers instead of problem creators!
I like these suggestions about complainers. In fact, I think Jen’s ideas translate into the practice of good communication skills in general that we practice in both therapy and parenting….Lots of good applications here. As someone who has done her share of complaining (I think that some people like to narrate their experiences…look at Twitter and Facebook), I do know that complaining wants reinforcement. Not reinforcing it and deflecting it as Jen suggests can be powerful…difficult for the complainer, but powerful.
Excellent points! “Wize Time”…I love how your friend was able to switch the focus of the whiner, and win them over by getting them to focus on solutions. And not just any solution, their own solution. This is an approach that would definitely gain buy-in. I would caution one in using this approach if it is a change that must be implemented by the company or department. If there is no flexibility, then giving the whiner the illusion that they can alter it in some way may create further issues. However, keeping with your style, one might consider asking the whiner: “Despite the fact that you don’t like this change, what can you do to ensure it works for the department?” Thank you for taking the time to share additional ways to approach the chronic complainer. I’m confident that people will read your comment and find many situations where it will be effective.
Jennifer…insightful connection to therapy and parenting skills. Effective coaching behaviors often mirror effective therapy and parenting behaviors. Both therapy and parenting take a thoughtful, skilled approach (if one wants to assist in the health and well-being of their patient or child). Coaching requires the same attention if one wants to assist their employees in reaching their fullest potential. I appreciate your insights; I’m sure your comment will resonate with any reader who is also a parent!
Cheers, Jen